Saturday, May 5, 2012


As occasionally happens in a relationship where one set of in-laws lives 2500 miles distant, my wife is away visiting family. The assumption is that they really are more interested in seeing the baby than either of us, and as Lilyana is too young for flying on her own, someone must go with her. The idea of using the USPS has occurred to me, but toddlers are not found on the list of live animals approved for Priority Mail treatment. Though, if she were a bee, poultry, a scorpion (Yep, you read correctly, at any moment, someone could mail you a live scorpion!), or one of the rather vague group described as "small, harmless, cold blooded animals", it would be another story.

Therefore..... (I love using that word!), therefore, I am at home, alone. Always a dangerous thing, but thus far the only fireworks I have set off have been outside. *grin*  To prove that I am neither entirely dependent on my wife, nor able to function all that effectively without her, here is a look at my life as a temporary bachelor:

Cleaning out the fridge. Tuna on a hamburger bun is not all that bad!

 Even alone, there is always time to stop and smell the roses. 

Before Tiffany left, we planted our garden. The beans have come up in her absence! 

 Climb, beans, climb!

 My wife said these dishes needed to be done before she got back. Nine days in, they are still there. How close should I cut it? 

Once the leftovers were gone, I hit the bottle....of peanut butter! My old friend was still there, after all these years. Just as good as ever!

Boredom + Costco pack of toilet paper = Endless possibilities

The couch. 

Darn timer...

 What I was trying for. Most of my familial interactions during these two weeks have involved the phone. Almost like before I was married!

 Bread pudding. According to the historians, originated in the 11th century, was then known as "poor man's pudding", and has since become a comfort food. Perfect for a poor bachelor who needs comfort!

The benefit of being alone is a great deal of free time. Especially during the weekends. Taking advantage of this fact, I found the most dangerous job I could, it involved lots of pipe, heavy tools, and a highly flammable gas. Insane you ask? 

 Not when the result will save me money!!!! Outside of the hottest of days, our AC only comes on once my dear wife starts the oven to cook me any number of delectable dishes. She has been begging for an outside stove for quite awhile, and now we have one.

 Here is a shot of the garden, which has been faithfully watered.

"Come one, come all!" You may recall from last year, a month after Lilyana's birth, we went and saw Romeo and Juliet. The season for the annual Shakespeare play has arrived, yet again. This year, I had no wife to share it with, but Thomas and Lindsey were kind enough to keep me company. "A Comedy of Errors" was on the billet, with a 60's twist. Thankfully that only involved the set and the costumes, not one "Groovy" or "Far out, man!" defamed the famous bard's artistry. 

Yeah, the 60's were a bit.....odd. Did anyone ever actually think style this looked good!??!?!

 Lindsey chilling, waiting for the play to start, at dusk. She liked the pillows.

Me, filming the set, to show my wife, when she returns.... **sobs**

It was too dark for my limited camera skills to get shots of the play, at night. Sorry, y'all! But, I shall give you one of my favorite lines:

Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease;
and I know not what use to put her to but to make a
lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I
warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a
Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday,
she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.

Thankfully, it is not even remotely possible to describe my wife in such a manner!

The other aspect of being a bachelor is going to bed much too late. A fact which I have continued, in order to get this post up. Please pardon any spelling or grammatical errors, I lost both my wife and my editor in a single trip!

Now, fair readers, I must head my mind for slumbers, and mind my head for the pillow. If you get a spare moment, think on the poor soul who is anxiously awaiting the return of the two girls who make life worth living. Goodnight!


Anthony said...

The Bachelor finally has posted a blog post!!!! It looks like you have been staying quite busy. The garden looks really good, and the stove setup is pretty awesome!!! Peanut butter and jelly....yum!!! Make sure you have greens!!!!! I think you should do the dishes now. You should purchase a bowling ball to knock down the toilet paper pyramid!!! Hang in there, for your wife will be home very soon!!!! Missed you on the trip and cannot wait to see you soon!!!

Anton, Esq. to be

JB said...

Poor Ben!!! You really need your girls home. Much to your disappointment, I do not desire only your daughter, but you and your precious wife as well. The bonfire is Friday - horrors if you were to send her up without your two precious souls. I still think you should eat natural pb! Love you dear one, see you soon. Mumsie

kaliste said...

I'm sorry, Ben. You sound rather pitiful. But you seem to be managing quite well. Hooray for peanut butter! :)

We do thank you though for letting your wife and daughter come out for a visit. I enjoyed so much getting to see Tiffany again and meet your adorable Lilyana! Next time you'll have to come with them.

James McDonald said...

Ben - you are greatly missed here as well. And we are very thankful for the visit of Tiffany and Lilyana. We have had a wonderful visit - which could only be better if you were here. We are looking forward to summer with excitement and anticipation! I promise, we will have more than Costco TP to keep you entertained!

Anonymous said...

You have survived your time alone...... so far. PB&J the food of the lonely and geeks..... at the moment you fall under both. A new stove yaaaaaa..... just glad you did not set the gas line on fire, I can just hear the news report "lone man blows up town".... that would fall under lighting a firework inside category. we miss you and will see you soon.

love ya bro

~Nic H

SimplyTiffany said...

Oh my silly husband.... You always have found someway to entertain yourself no matter how bored the day seems. The TP tower was quite cute and the baby sitting on top was a nice addition. Just wait until I show Lilyana! You did put that away, right? *grin*

We miss you horribly and not a day goes by that we don't talk about you...and yes, the baby talks about you, too. I'm sure she misses you, but I know she can't miss you nearly as much as me.

HOORAY!!!!! The stove looks soooo nice! I am sooo tickled about it...can't wait to use it next week! That and my new freezer... You are the bestest and you always will be.

*sigh* Still can't believe that I missed the play... *pouts* I'm sure it was fun and I can't wait to see what you got on the camera!

As I have said on the phone many times this HAVE to come next trip! I love, love, love you and will see you soon!!!

Jessica McDonald said...

Awwww! You're so pathetic!! :-) Know that we missed you and your hilariousness. And honestly, this blog post was almost worth you not coming - yeah, it was that entertaining. ;-D

We'll be sending your wife & child back to you soon and until then we'll take good care of them! :-)

Love Your SIL,

P.S. Isn't A Comedy of Errors hilarious? I love that line too...

Knox said...

I would have hung out with you if I were home...

Anonymous said...

Poor boy. Hope your dear wife and little cutie pie get home soon. Wasn't Tiffany sweet not to mention those dirty dishes? Maybe you can do something about them the next time you are bored. :)


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